Because Cliffhanging Isn't One of My Strongest Traits

I have a bad habit, and it’s screwing me up.

I procrastinate. As my readers, you know this. I don’t want to do things, even though I know I’d feel better if they’re done. I get depressed, and let myself slip into a rut, only to snap out of it when I feel that the last thread of my lifeline is about to break.

I love it, though. There’s a part of me that wants to see how close I can get to the edge – how miserable I can make myself before I do something productive to keep from feeling useless. Even though it’s stressful, rising from the brink is fun. It’s an existential game of “Chicken.” Indiana Jones could probably relate.

But I know it’s wearing me down. It’s becoming harder to bounce back from these episodes. I'm afraid that I’ll soon fly off that edge and lose control of myself, like Kurtz did in Heart of Darkness, had he become a sloth instead of a tyrant. My horror would be the conclusion that I'm no good to anyone.

So, I’m trying my damn hardest to keep on top of things. I hope this blog post is an example of that. It seems like a lot of work, but if there’s one quality that I’m willing to admit, it’s that I have tenacity. I had better put it to good use.