My Non-Facebook Experience: What I've Learned So Far

It's been about three weeks since I dropped Facebook (for reasons that I will post about later... that essay is the longer project I'm working on) and it feels very freeing to unplug. However, I've also ran into some limitations. Here are a couple:

1. I can't access my goodreads account since it's attached to my Facebook account. Deactivated Facebook account = can't brag about my reading list.
2. My 750words.com account is also attached to Facebook. That means no bragging about my writing productivity!

As more and more online services require a Facebook account to activate or use, I'll find myself enticed to reactivate my account. That's just how things go, I guess.

Granted, the joy of being able to share things with people is undeniably profound. However, for me, the drive to constantly find something interesting to post or say has nearly destroyed my sense of self worth. I needed to remove myself from FB and drop most of my friends so I can find some peace. 

And with that solace will come assessment, action, and happiness.

I hope.

Learning by Not Doing

I ran into this:

http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/

I was so affected by the link that I thought I'd make a few lists based on it. You should too! It makes a good self-assessment tool.

Warning, this post is going to be a long one. Please, bear with me. This will contain lists with just a series of numbers, so please take the time to open up the link so you can play along.

Oh, one more thing. The list is about 30 things to stop doing to yourself, but for the purposes of this list, just pretend that you removed the word "stop" from every activity. Bah, why did I even bother to explain this? You're all really smart people.

Things That I Still Do (according to the list):
1, 7, 11, 12, 19, and 23

Things That I Am Actively Working On:
2, 5, 8, 10, 13, 17, 20, 21, 22, 25, 28, 29, and 30

Things That I Used to Do:
3, 4, 6, 9, 15, 18, 26, and 27

Things That I Never Did (to my knowledge):
14, 16, and 24

So there's the list, but what does this all mean for me (and for you, should you participate)?

While all of the lists show a sense of self-awareness, the first list is an acknowledgement that I do have flaws. And [ac]knowledge[ment] is half the battle! You'd be surprised how difficult it is for some people to admit their flaws.

The last list is similar to the first, in that it takes some effort to be truthful about your strengths. It's also a good reminder that I wasn't born a completely broken mess.

Where the first list is simple recognition of my flaws, the second list involves active participation. Seeing this list is both intimidating and a relief. This list is HUGE, and I have to admit that I'm really just fumbling in the dark when it comes to fixing most of those issues. At the same time, it shows that I still have an interest in my life and that I'm willing to push on. It's important to remember that I haven't given up.

The third list shows my accomplishments. Where the second lists shows that I'm trying to live, this list shows that I am quite capable of doing it. It may seem funny to some people that I need to say that I'm capable of living, but it's a necessity for a depressive like me.

Still there? Glad you can make it to the end of my blog post (that was originally a Facebook status)! If you really pored through this thing, then you've just learned a little more about me, didn't ya?

Even if you didn't want to know me, that's fine. What's more important is to see how this link would help you. Make your own lists and post them in the comments!

Rainy Days

I like rainy days. I like them a lot, actually. And I think my bias towards rainy days comes from the fact that they are a novelty, especially where I live. In Southern California, where even in the winter the average weather is about 75 degrees and sunny, rainy days are rare, and I cherish those rare moments. I've grown to love those moments so much that I know they have affected the way I think.

This is especially true with my memory. I remember the best moments in my life as cloudy days. When I pull up memory from my brain, the images that come out are grainy and muted in color. Mental replays of first kisses, graduations, and long, thoughtful gazes toward the Pacific horizon have been altered into a gray-blueish color pallet, with the sun either completely obscured by clouds, or its round, fiery glow subdued in the dark sky.

This seems like a dreary way to look at the world, but it's not that way to me. Rain means water, and water stands for life, fluidity, and sailing paper boats on a small stream running through street gutters (which really did happen on a rainy day). Given that, I'd say that I'm quite content with the way things look to me.

Note:
If you had expected this to be a St. Patrick's Day related, I'm sorry to disappoint. The FB computers didn't read into the context of my status update and decided that my post had something to do with the holiday. I love technology!

Flu, Blah

So, I’m sick. As much as I feel like crap at the moment, I also feel kind of relaxed. Sure, I probably feel this way because my entire body is so busy fighting off disease that it can’t process my five senses. This leaves my poor brain to sift through a mixed set of neural messages, which ultimately results in mass cranial confusion and then euphoria -  in the wake of impending death.

Or maybe it's simply that the flu just drained me of all energy... and good ways to describe the flu, apparently.

There are a few other good things about being sick: the long hours under the covers, the chicken noodle soup breaks, and the constant calls from my parents and girlfriend that break me from my naps in order to remind me to take medication - medicine that I have already taken just an hour prior to their call. The last one may seem annoying and/or tedious, and they are. But they are also reminders that I'm not completely alone, even though my illness forces me inside and away from others.

Bah, how sentimental. Must be the flu that's talking.

I have a lot to say about things, apparently.

It's the start of a new year, and around this time I make it a point to do something I haven't gotten around to in 12 months, which is to organize. As mundane and boring as that seems, I actually look forward to the work. One of the tasks that I want to do is to organize my e-mail. This is the chance to make filters and labels to reduce clutter in my inbox. I can even color some of the more important messages. The end goal is to make my inbox look like something akin to a color swatch. Once that happens, I can spot e-mails in a manner that is as accurate as it is pretty.

Still, it requires a lot of work, and I plan on spending about an hour a day to get this done. But, believe it or not, I'm used to this level of drudgery - not just from doing several iterations of the same algebra problem, but from the video games I enjoy. MMOs are a good example of the latter. In games like these you, as the all powerful, world saving adventurer, are sometimes tasked to collect 10 digital hides from 10 digital boars, then run them back to a digital tanner in a digital town for 10 digital gold. To be successful in such a game, you have to repeat quests like these ad naseum. How heroic! Still, the game is good at selling tasks like this as "fun." You are not only compelled to do them, but are convinced that there is a sense of accomplishment in their completion.

Sure, collecting hides is menial work, far less appealing than slaying a centaur turtle (a Turtaur?), and absolutely results in no benefit to life outside the game as a whole, but a player is put in the mindset that work itself is a game. Once that mindset is established, a person could will him or herself to do anything. It's a common trick that overachievers use to get through the bonus homework that their parents force upon them. The trick is to figure out how to apply that to the real world, which is quite the task, isn't it?

But I digress.

This post started out with color coding e-mails, huh? Damn. All I wanted to do was talk about how lame my life is and I end up writing mini op-ed piece.