Temporary Silence

I just want to let you, my readers (both real and theoretical), know that I will be with limited internet access until Sunday. So, that means few or no updates until then.

See you next week!

I'll Need a New Character Sheet

Characters have been the focus of my freewrites lately. I manage to write down a character's appearance, favorite childhood toy, sexual orientation, therapy bills, politics, savings accounts, and other things that come to mind, all in ten minutes. It's easy for me because I used to churn out these character statistics for sessions of Dungeons and Dragons.

These character sketches are not written well enough to make biographies, as I connect these traits through word/phrase association. Sometimes the combinations are pretty crazy thanks to my strange world view (e.g. a navy brat who likes to scratch her back with a philips screwdriver). Yet, they work out in the end. So, I've finally found a productive way to freewrite, which excites me.

This means that I can write new stories. I'm not very good with plotting ahead, so I rely on my characters to lead me through it. If the characters are strong enough, with many strange, yet believable quirks, they'll end up in good stories. At least, that's what I hope will happen. No worries.

I try not to stress over it. I've done that before, and it's only led me to nothing. So, I'm going to trust in the "practice makes perfect" cliché and stick to it. That's what I want to do. Maybe, that's all I can do.


Oh yeah, one more thing:

I have considered a change in my blog labels because they might be too generic. For example, there are posts that contain rants about my writing, and others that contain tips on writing - but they're both labeled "writing" because they're about my experience in writing. Do you think this is appropriate, or should I diversify my labels? Suggestions are welcome and appreciated. Thanks!

Just a Quote

This isn't filler, I swear! It's just something that I feel is important.

So, here it is, from Ray Bradbury's essay, "Zen in the Art of Writing:"

What is the greatest reward a writer can have? Isn't it that day when someone rushes up to you, his face bursting with honesty, his eyes afire with admiration and cries, "That new story of yours was fine, really wonderful!"

Then and only then is writing worthwhile.

My conscious mind is trying to figure out whether this quote applies to me. Still, my subconscious felt a little giddy when I first read it.

Slushy

I have a lot of folders related to writing in my computer. They have generic names like “Workshop Stories,” “Blogs,” and “Poems” - names that are simply labels to sort out all the writing that I do, like zip codes. However, only one of them is lovingly called “The Slush Pile.” Unlike an editor’s dreaded stack of unread manuscripts, this Slush Pile has a different meaning to me.

I keep any unfinished attempts at writing in this folder: a paragraph of description, two-sentence blog entries, half-baked character sketches, and incomplete short stories that are about a page long. I call those stories “false starts” because they start off great, until I lose momentum at about a page or two when I forget my training and listen to that inner critic, which always throws Kool-Aid at my un-laminated plans.

But putting the writing away in the Slush Pile helps to remind me that any writing that I do is important, whether it’s finished or not. Maybe I’ll improve my writing. That’s the hope anyway.

It's Like Time Travel

Fahrenheit 451 author Ray Bradbury once wrote in his essay, “The Joy of Writing,” that writers should look to their zest, their gusto, as the most important item they should have. My interpretation of this “zest” is the stuff that brings a person to write in the first place, born of inspiration from works previously read, then enhanced by the environment (or vice versa). The writer’s work is supposed to be propelled by this hidden energy.

I may have lost this energy some time during my studies. Years of studying characterization, plotting, revising, and other craft elements, resulted in a level of polish in my writing, which I love. But I feel this has also led to more stiff, uninspired writing. There have been times when I felt overwhelmed by the work because there are so many writing elements to look after, to the point where I avoided writing altogether.

I look back to old stories and blog entries I’ve made throughout the years (the first posts are always fun), and I see the gusto that Bradbury wrote. I find certain genuineness about them. A voice, unhindered by the rules of writing, or even coherence, happily inhabits words written long ago. But, it’s a voice that I have abandoned because it was too wild to control. Besides, I’m not the same person that I was three years ago. It wouldn’t suit me now.

However, I should try to reconnect with my younger self. There’s a lot that he can teach me about the passion for writing.

[Small Update]
After I wrote this blog post, I found this essay by Holly Lisle that describes exactly what I tried to convey here, except far more eloquently. I also recommend reading the essay that proceeds it.

Because Cliffhanging Isn't One of My Strongest Traits

I have a bad habit, and it’s screwing me up.

I procrastinate. As my readers, you know this. I don’t want to do things, even though I know I’d feel better if they’re done. I get depressed, and let myself slip into a rut, only to snap out of it when I feel that the last thread of my lifeline is about to break.

I love it, though. There’s a part of me that wants to see how close I can get to the edge – how miserable I can make myself before I do something productive to keep from feeling useless. Even though it’s stressful, rising from the brink is fun. It’s an existential game of “Chicken.” Indiana Jones could probably relate.

But I know it’s wearing me down. It’s becoming harder to bounce back from these episodes. I'm afraid that I’ll soon fly off that edge and lose control of myself, like Kurtz did in Heart of Darkness, had he become a sloth instead of a tyrant. My horror would be the conclusion that I'm no good to anyone.

So, I’m trying my damn hardest to keep on top of things. I hope this blog post is an example of that. It seems like a lot of work, but if there’s one quality that I’m willing to admit, it’s that I have tenacity. I had better put it to good use.

Back in the Bike Seat

I know I haven’t updated in a long time (again). It’s hard to write about writing when I haven’t been doing much of it. And I don’t want to get into rants about not writing. Whining doesn’t get anything done, and I don’t want this blog to dive into fruitless complaints.

But I’ve had plenty to complain about. I avoided writing, like the plague, for the past two months because I was afraid of the time it took to polish it. The inactivity did a number on my self-esteem, however, and I got into a rut. It was this depressing situation that brought me back to writing. My sludgy mood buried my perfectionist nature just long enough to get something down on paper.

So I currently have a muse. Granted, it’s the “eh, what the hell, do it” kind, but I’ll take it. The problem is now I have to keep it alive. Its life support consists of some reading, a little free writing and, maybe, blogging. My girlfriend gave me Ray Bradbury’s Zen in the Art of Writing, while I pulled out of my own collection Hooked, by Les Edgerton; both books on writing. I like books on writing more than I like actual fiction, but that’s where my tastes lie for the moment. I’m running out of topics for my freewrites though, so I may pore into some stories for inspiration.

Freewriting leads to rough drafts, but then it leads to revision. I hate revising, only because it baffles me. Every time I try to polish my first crap draft, my head swims. I don’t even know how to clean my room, much less organize my language. I guess I’ll just have to hammer it out. If I can do that, then I think I’ll finally have what it takes to be a writer.

Then again, I’ve said that on many other occasions…